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‘Give it up for our Jon Bon GOVEY’: all the jokes from Boris’ joke-laden Tory conference speech

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Boris Johnson’s speech at today’s Tory conference may have been light on actual policy, but he summed up the banter while poking fun at everyone from Michael Gove to Jeremy Corbyn.

The Prime Minister played his 45-minute speech to the faithful for a laugh with his usual scatter-gun style, use of foreign languages ​​and references to Greek mythology.

His slight barbs at Leveling Up secretary Michael Gove gently poked fun at the 54-year-old’s exploits at a nightclub in Aberdeen’s Pipe.

The minister was back on the dance floor last night throwing some daddy shapes at a karaoke reception with MP Tom Tugendhat.

Hours later in the conference address, Mr. Johnson opened his address by saying, “Let’s listen for Jon Bon Govey. Living proof that we, all of you, represent the most jiving, hip, happening and funkopolitan party in the world.”

The Prime Minister played his 45-minute speech to the faithful for a laugh with his usual scatter-gun style, use of foreign languages ​​and references to Greek mythology.

A blushing Mr. Gove this morning, watching the speech referring to his feasts?

Mr Gove at Pipe

Mr Gove last night

His slight barbs at Leveling Up secretary Michael Gove gently poked fun at the 54-year-old’s exploits at a nightclub in Aberdeen’s Pipe (left). The minister was back on the dance floor last night throwing some daddy shapes at a karaoke reception with MP Tom Tugendhat (right)

More venomously, he mocked ex-Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn as he spoke at the first conference since 2019.

Referring to the politician who gave him an 80-seat majority in the last election, he emphasized that he was at the first conference since 2019.

“In fact, it’s the first time since the 2019 general election that we’ve finally sent that corduroy cosmonaut into orbit where he belongs,” he noted dryly.

He also targeted Corbyn’s replacement, Sir Keir Starmer. He used his regular attack of ‘Captain Hindsight’ to criticize his Covid prudence, saying the Labor leader was “like a severely deranged bus conductor… being pushed this way by a Corbynist mob of scotch-taped sans.” culottes, or the skipper of a cruise ship captured by Somali pirates desperately trying to change course.”

He added: ‘In past national crises, Labor leaders have chosen to minimize public fear and confusion by not trying to score cheap partisan points. One thinks of Attlee or even Michael Foot in the Falklands crisis.

“Unfortunately, that wasn’t Captain Hindsight’s approach, attacking for a week and then rowing behind when it seemed to work. The human weather vane, the Starmer chameleon.

And in his latest act of absurd expediency, he decided in July to oppose step four of the roadmap. That’s right folks if we had listened to Captain Hindsight we would still be in lockdown, we wouldn’t have the fastest growth in the G7.

“If (Christopher) Columbus had listened to Captain Hindsight, he would have discovered Tenerife.”

More venomously, he mocked ex-Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn as he spoke at the first conference since 2019.

More venomously, he mocked ex-Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn as he spoke at the first conference since 2019.

He also targeted Corbyn's replacement, Sir Keir Starmer.  He used his regular attack of 'Captain Hindsight' to criticize his Covid caution, saying the Labor leader was

He also targeted Corbyn’s replacement, Sir Keir Starmer. He used his regular attack of ‘Captain Hindsight’ to criticize his Covid caution, saying the Labor leader was “like a severely deranged bus conductor… pushed this way by a Corbynista mob of tape-bespected sans- culottes’

The prime minister attacked the Labor left for opposing the AUKUS nuclear submarine deal with Australia and the US, saying it was “an idea so transparently correct that the Labor conference overwhelmingly voted against — and I know that there has been a certain raucus squaukus of the anti-AUKUS caucus.’

He targeted former EU Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier, translating the Leave campaign’s slogan ‘take back control’ into French while pledging to fight human trafficking gangs ‘at home and abroad’.

“Isn’t it a sublime irony that even in French politics there is now a leading centre-right politician calling for a referendum on the EU,” said the prime minister.

Who is calling on France to surrender control? It’s good old Michel Barnier. That’s what you get for trying to argue for a year with Lord Frost, the greatest monarch since the Great Prince of 1709.’

The Prime Minister joked that he was unable to repaint the door at 10 Downing Street, and shared an ambition to try to ‘wildlife’ parts of the land while welcoming otters and beavers returning to rivers.

He targeted former EU Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier, translating the Leave campaign's slogan 'take back control' into French while pledging to fight human trafficking gangs 'at home and abroad'.

He targeted former EU Brexit negotiator Michel Barnier, translating the Leave campaign’s slogan ‘take back control’ into French while pledging to fight human trafficking gangs ‘at home and abroad’.

“If that’s not conservative, my friends, I don’t know what is – rebuild beaver, I say. Although the beavers sometimes build without permission from the local government, you can also see how much space there is to build the houses that young families in this country need.

There’s no happiness like taking a set of keys and knowing the place is yours, and you can paint the front door any color you want.

“Coincidentally, I can’t paint my own front door any color I want—it has to be black—but I certainly don’t have to go far to work.”

The Prime Minister joked that he was unable to repaint the door of 10 Downing Street and shared an ambition to try to 'rewild' parts of the land while welcoming otters and beavers returning to rivers in Devon ( photo)

The Prime Minister joked that he was unable to repaint the door at 10 Downing Street and shared an ambition to try to ‘rewild’ parts of the land while welcoming otters and beavers returning to rivers in Devon ( photo)

He referred to the 11th-century Anglo-Saxon freedom fighter Hereward the Wake when he attacked the cancellation culture, saying, “They really want to rewrite our national story, starting with Hereward the Woke.”

He pretended to contract Covid and was hospitalized in intensive care, saying that at one point he looked out the window “and in the midst of the rubble of brick they seemed to be digging a hole for something or even someone – possible for me’.

He said the aircraft carrier HMS Queen Elizabeth was “as long as the entire Palace of Westminster and rather more convincing in argument than many speeches in the House of Commons”.

He added: “It has dozens of F35s (fighter jets) on board and 66,000 sausages on board, not because we want to threaten anyone or be hostile – with the F35s or even with the sausages – but because we want to stick to the rule of the right so essential to freedom of navigation and free trade’.

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