She has always been open about her mental health and fears.
And Ellie Goulding has now talked about the “anxiety feelings” she experienced during her very first panic attack that she said felt like “dying.”
The singer, 34, made the revelations during a candid conversation with Frankie Bridge on the Open Mind podcast, where she also talked about the roots of her fear and the impact of her early fame.
Candid: Ellie Goulding has spoken out in a candid new interview about the ‘anxiety’ she experienced during her very first panic attack which she said felt like ‘dying’
She said of her first anxiety attack: ‘I was on the train, unfortunately I went to the funeral of my friend’s father, and I went back to where I grew up and I remembered the old person I was and it didn’t have me caught up. with this new person I was trying to make myself as an artist, and I think it just completely crashed.
“And just then the train broke and it was this very coming together of things that it came out in this massive panic of, well I was sweating, and my heart was pounding and I had palpitations and I had these feelings of dread – which made me think that I would die.
‘I thought, ‘Is this death? Is this dying?’, because it was so violent as a physical reaction.’
Honest: The singer, 34, made the revelations during a candid conversation with Frankie Bridge on the Open Mind podcast, where she also talked about the roots of her anxiety and the impact of her early fame (pictured performing in 2020)
When Frankie asked her if she’d always struggled with the condition or if it developed as she got older, she discussed the roots of her fear: “I don’t remember having it when I was younger.
“It’s possible I did. I may have misinterpreted it or I just thought I was; while I’ve been able to unravel things a lot more now as I get older.
“I think the first time it got physical was when I started playing music and it all happened so damn fast I couldn’t catch up on what was going on… my brain could control my body or vice versa.”
Frankie then asked if she felt most of her anxiety came from her past.
Candid: She said about her first anxiety attack, ‘I thought, ‘Is this death? Is this dying?’, because it was so violent as a physical reaction’
She replied, “It’s funny how when you talk to people things first come out. I found myself saying things for the first time. Not to go really deep, but why not, that’s why we’re here. I probably abandoned someone I was very early on. So I grew up pretty fast I think.
‘And those were factors in my childhood: my parents got divorced, sometimes things didn’t go well at home. That’s an understatement. I think I wanted to become someone else very quickly.
“And the way I imagine it is that not only did I become someone else by becoming a stronger person, being a resilient person – just really trying to escape this childhood thing – but also that I had become someone who like a completely different character also appeared.’
Ellie struggled to be in the limelight when she was only 24 after dropping out of college to make music.
She explained: “I tried to suppress everything to be this big star. So all those things just came together and my body was like ‘no’. This is physically not possible.
“Not to mention I was exercising too much, I wasn’t sleeping, I was drinking. And so it’s not surprising that that stuff ended up happening when it happened.
The star also discussed her love life in her twenties when Frankie asked her if she thought she would end up with someone like her husband.
Ellie had her first child Arthur in April with husband Caspar Jopling whom she married in a lavish ceremony in York.
She replied, “I suppose somehow romantically I thought I was a musician and eventually I’d get a musician, and it’s going to be so much fun, and we’re going to play music all the time.” day.
“But not really, through my twenties, what we’ve all done, you go through relationships, you learn so much about yourself and I’m sure the other person learns about themselves too. And I got to a point where my conclusion was basically that I didn’t want to be with anyone.
The Open Mind with Frankie Bridge podcast is available on Apple, Spotify, and all major podcast platforms.
For confidential help and support, call Samaritans toll-free on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org
Chat: The star also discussed her love life in her twenties when Frankie asked her if she thought she would end up with someone like her husband (pictured with Caspar Jopling during their York wedding)